Another Friday video has been posted: Sometimes I put on pants… transcript is below!
I am one of the most delightful curmudgeons you will ever meet. And contrary to my first few narratives here in this space I do in fact know how to put on pants and even crack a smile.
Living 45 minutes by train from someone who in the last 5 years has become one of my best friends and biggest confidants has been a balm for my soul.
On a chilly misty morning, as my friend Bex, also known as the witches’ cookery was no doubt somewhere in the woods barefoot and frolicking free, I hobbled along the edge of the trees taking in the country air relieved to have escaped the spiral I was heading towards.
Escaping to this corner of the earth, I have slowly over these months of lockdown, learned to love nature.
But if this had been early 2019 I would have balked at the idea of a morning spent in the forest. I mean there are spiders there. Ewww.
But now I am eager to be where there is open space and quiet and peace, even if I’m still hesitant to dip all the way in.
After days of slothing around my apartment, I awoke and decided to tell my lying, traitorous thoughts to bugger off…. BUGGER OFF!
and packed a bag.
I needed to reset. To laugh and chat and be filled with joy. I told her partner about my YouTube channel, where I was a sad person, that did sad things in my apartment and it made us all laugh because I am not only just sad. I am in fact incredibly self-aware and at times I would say downright funny.
We all are. We have so many facets and layers.
I know my depression like the back of my hand.
I know my quirks are not mine alone, but so many others.
But I don’t want to make my depression the only story I tell here because I have so many other stories and lives that I have lived, live.
Like the time desperate for work I replied to a craigslist ad to be an assistant and found myself suddenly in a house, on a cliff of a dusty mountain, working with snake breeders who stored boa constrictors in plastic containers with little stickies to let you know which ones bite.
Oh, the stories I hope to tell.
But for now, it’s been nice to getaway. To put on clothes, to do my hair, to be out in the fresh air. Because as I’ve mentioned before I kinda feel adrift from these months in lockdown. So much is going my way and so much needs to be puzzled together.
So close and so far from who I was and who I want to be.
I’m getting there though.
I will get there.
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